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The narcissistic or ego-libido appears to usas the great reservoir from which the energy for the investment of theobject is sent out and into which it is drawn back again, while thenarcissistic libido investment of the ego appears to us as the realizedprimitive state in the first childhood, which only becomes hidden by thelater emissions of the libido, and is retained at the bottom behindthem. It was always my favorite part of Sundays. These things by checking my physical development gave, I am perfectly convinced, a traumatic impetus to my general abnormality, and this was further kept up by demanding of me (at the dawn of my real sexual activity, and when still practically a child) an interest in men and marriage which I was no more capable of feeling than any ordinary boy or girl of 15.
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All these things filled my mind to the exclusion of individual men and women.
Very excited at cunnilingus, which I practised on her more than once.
An insensiblewoman, as La Bruyère long ago remarked in his chapter Des Femmes, ismerely one who has not yet seen the man she must love.